11 Keys to Inspiring Not Neutering Your Man

Attracting the Man You Desire & Cultivating the Love You Long For

Oh, ladies. I just have to say, I truly appreciate women. I really do. I’m both intoxicated and maddened by your whimsical behavior and beautiful waves of emotion. I’m so inspired by your courage and your vulnerability. I absolutely love the unique beauty you each bring into the world with your amazing spirits.

I love how a woman in her feminine essence – whether it’s my adorable two-year-old niece or a woman I’m completely crazy about – just softens my heart. She makes me slow down and truly savor the moments of life more. Even from a young age, there’s this magical, mysterious, and amazing energy between the sexes.

But I also feel for you, my dears. I feel for you because so many of you seem to be wondering, “Where have all the good men gone?” So many more of you might be unconsciously neutering the man you love – a man who, if he felt truly appreciated, would run through a burning building for you. And others, gorgeous, just can’t get out of their own head and their own way to attract and keep the amazing man they want.

Today’s dating world is so much more complicated, with seemingly genderless roles and a lot of confusion where both sexes seem to be playing both parts at times. It can be tough out there, I get it.

A little note: I’m not even going to get into all the mistakes we fellas make – that’s a whole other blog post! Trust me, I’ve made my share of mistakes, from not being man enough to be vulnerable, to not pursuing courageously. So this is coming from a place of love and experience.

These 11 principles below come from my own life, from the amazing women I’ve dated, from what’s attracted or repelled me, and from countless relationship conferences and books from some of the world’s best experts. So whether you’re in a relationship or single and ready to mingle, these tips can be so helpful in attracting the man you desire and cultivating the love you truly long for.

1. Honor His Vulnerability – It’s a Gift, Babe

When a man has truly opened up to you, he’s exposed his heart in a way he doesn’t with anyone else. Remember, gorgeous, on average, a man isn’t as naturally relationally adept or connected as a woman. The depth of your relationships with your girlfriends is typically much deeper. So when he shares his feelings, honor his heart. He’s likely not opened up like that to many people in his entire life. It’s a sacred trust.

2. Trade Your Expectations for Gratitude

Do you remember the beginning, that sweet honeymoon stage? You were both so appreciative of every little thing the other person did. As time goes on, it’s so easy to start taking each other for granted. We begin to expect instead of appreciate. There’s a great saying: “If we did what we did in the beginning of a relationship, there would be no end.” Try to bring some of that initial gratitude back, and watch how he responds.

3. Radiate Beauty, Don’t Just Get Stuff Done

I have a friend who is a wildly successful woman, career-wise. She walks, talks, and lives like her main passion is to get shit done. And she crushes it! But sometimes, she’s so in that masculine, “go-go-go” energy that she forgets her softer side. I’ve been playfully encouraging her to shift her focus from just getting things done to asking herself, “How can I bring a little more beauty, a little more joy to this moment?” It’s not about stopping your hustle, lovely. It’s about balance.

4. Appreciate Your Differences – Don’t Attack Them

Girls, you’re really different from us. And we are not just hairy women, I promise! Nor are you just a more emotional man. The truth is, we’re wired so differently. That doesn’t mean either of us is less valuable or capable. If both sexes took the time to understand and appreciate each other’s unique differences and struggles, we’d love and adore each other more instead of trying to change or control the other. How has this shown up in your life? Share your story in the comments below – your experience might just help another woman.

If you want to dive deep into this, one expert I’d recommend more than anyone is Allison Armstrong. Her books and audios have literally transformed marriages I’ve seen first-hand. She’s a master at cultivating love and respect between the sexes.

5. Trade Bitterness for Love & Grace

I fell hard for a girl last year who was a total gem in so many ways. But as we got deeper into the relationship, I realized there was a cancer. That cancer was the bitterness she held towards her dad and herself for past mistakes. Inevitably, that bitterness seeped into our relationship. You can’t build a beautiful future on a foundation of unresolved pain, my dear. Healing your heart is the most attractive thing you can do.

6. Be Vulnerable, Not Needy

This one takes so much courage, but it’s a game-changer. It’s not easy for a woman to risk her heart and her feelings, I know. But when a girl that a man really likes is truly vulnerable, it inspires him to protect, to love, and to serve her. There’s a huge difference between vulnerability and neediness. Vulnerability is sharing your heart. Neediness is making him responsible for your happiness. One of my best friends was inspired to pursue the girl who is now his wife because she risked being vulnerable, sharing her desire to adopt even if she was single. That courage captivated him.

7. Be His Champion, Not His Competitor

Men compete with other men. It’s in our DNA. We don’t want to constantly be in competition with the woman we love, other than some playful teasing, of course. The moment you start truly competing with him is the moment you start killing the intimacy. When a man feels like the woman he adores is no longer his ally but his competitor, it’s no longer safe for him to be vulnerable. He will clam up emotionally, and eventually, he’ll move on.

8. Make it Easy for Him to Be Your Hero

The amazing Allison Armstrong says that if a man feels like his odds of making his woman happy are next to impossible, he will just give up. There’s nothing more in the world that a man in love wants than to make his woman happy. He wants to be your hero! But if he feels like failure is almost certain, his spirit will have to move on if he feels your heart won’t change. Remember, his deepest desire is to please you and make you happy… let him.

9. Invite & Signal to Him, Don’t Chase Him

Back in the Renaissance era, women would subtly drop a handkerchief near a man they were interested in. He’d pick it up, and a conversation would start. Today, most men will not approach a woman unless she has sent him clear signals to approach. If you like a guy, let him know! A smile, prolonged eye contact, an open posture. You don’t have to chase him, babe, but you do have to give him the green light. Even on dating apps, create space for him to pursue you.

10. Appreciate His Efforts, Even if They’re Imperfect

I have friends who have completely given up on planning romantic dates because they’ve tried and “failed” to meet their woman’s super-high standards. If a guy gives a valiant effort, genuinely trying to be thoughtful and romantic, but he’s harshly criticized… how inspired do you think he’ll be to try again? Find appreciation in the effort itself. He’ll be inspired to do even more next time if he feels appreciated, not scrutinized.

11. You Get What You Tolerate in Life

This is so important. If he’s a pansy at the beginning, he’s going to be a pansy throughout the relationship. Gently but firmly let a man know what you want and how you expect to be treated. But also, be aware of what you’ll tolerate from yourself. We’re not asking for perfection, no one is perfect. But have a good baseline of behavior that you’ll tolerate from yourself and from him. Take a moment to write that out right now if you’ve been tolerating crap from yourself or the guys you’ve dated.

I really hope you’ve enjoyed these and find them useful. For some more great reading on understanding a man’s world, check out Wild at Heart, The Way of a Superior Man, and His Needs, Her Needs.

Frequently Asked Questions About Understanding Men