5 Reasons Why Your Love Life Sucks, It’s Not Him Its You

Is it me or has the hashtag #MenAreTrash become so popular over the past year or two?

Hey friend! Let’s have a real talk for a second. While us women have always navigated the tricky waters of dating and dealt with multiple issues with men, social media has really changed the game. It allowed us to unite under hashtags, vent our frustrations, and finally identify the symptoms of men that are absolute #TRASH. It’s like we finally got the instructions on how to stay clear of these guys!

But… is it just me, or is it the same type of women who seem to go through these crazy issues with men over and over again? I mean, really think about it, lady.

We all have that one friend-maybe it’s you, maybe it’s your bestie-who always seems to make bad decisions when it comes to men. And honestly? They all share a common behavior pattern. They have endless amounts of excuses for the guy’s shady behavior, they blame themselves when things go south, and they ask their friends for advice knowing full well they will never actually take it. Usually, they are really insecure or, worst of all, they are in deep denial of all the above!

So ladies, today I am here to pose a hard question (don’t hate me!): What if the issue has never been the guy, but has always been you?

We want to create a safe space here, lovely. If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a cycle of bad dates, share your experience in the comments below. Your story might just help another woman realize she isn’t alone!

Here are Five Reasons why It’s Not Him, It’s You:

1. You avoid the first signs of him being #Trash

Every woman receives those early intuitive pings that the guy she is with is someone she should probably avoid. But sometimes, we just ignore them because he’s cute or the chemistry is fire. For example:

• If he ignores your calls after having sex for the first time, girl, he is probably #TRASH.
• If he only comes around once in a while and usually it’s just for sex, he’s definately #TRASH.
• If he is consistently giving you mixed signals-like one minute he’s ready to commit and the next minute he’s totally M.I.A-he’s probably #TRASH.

Ladies, the list goes on, but the key first-hand signs usually interlink with you feeling neglected, confused, and used. Chances are, it’s not going to get better. If you chose to not get out while you could because you believed you could “fix him” or that he would change, that is on you, lady.

2. You know he is talking to you and other women

Relationships don’t always end how they start, but the foundation is one of the most important aspects to determine how you will build a future. Most men, when talking to you and another woman simultaneously, have no intentions of making it exclusive. And even when they do, would you really feel comfortable knowing that he has the potential to make you a main chick again after shopping around?

Main Chick or Side Chick, it’s all the same drama! It’s up to you to know that you are valuable enough to be the only chick. Why compete for a spot that should be given to you freely?

3. You allow the physical to overpower the emotional

Ladies, affection comes in endless forms. It is never a problem when affection is performed sporadically or spontaneously, but if affection always leads to sex, there is a problem. Although sex is a great way to express love and connection, it is definitely not the only way. You have the power to sense and feel when sex is becoming habitual and seems to be the only time he bothers to come around.

Don’t forget rule #1: if he only comes around once in a while and usually it’s for the physical stuff, he’s probably #TRASH. You have the power to decide how frequent sex happens. The moment you allow the physical aspect to overpower your emotional needs, it’s no longer him that is the problem-it’s you.

4. You’re always wondering where you stand

In every relationship, there is always that awkward “limbo” stage where the couple isn’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but they’re also not single. This stage can healthily last anywhere between the first 3 to 6 months. Maybe a year if we are stretching it.

But girl, a year is a HUGE PUSH!

The problem with most women is that they allow the relationship to stay in limbo for long periods of time. This allows the guy to become comfortable in not committing to anything too quickly or long term. Usually, it’s not that women don’t want to be out of limbo, but we don’t know how to get out! So, we allow the limbo stage to last so long that it almost becomes normal to not know where we stand.

But ladies! That is exactly when the problem arises! We fail to be vocal about our feelings. Instead of working as a team to figure out where the relationship is going, we sit back and contemplate if we will ever be “official.”

The limbo stage is oddly a necessary part of a functioning relationship initially. Not knowing where you both stand can be bitter but also sweet, because of that heart-melting moment when you find out that you were both wanting the same thing and just waiting for that “right time.”

However, when months are passing and there are no signs of commitment, and all three earlier stages (that we previously discussed) are happening, you’re allowing him to be #TRASH. At that point, it’s no longer him that is the problem, it’s you.

Have you ever been stuck in a ‘situationship’ that went nowhere? We want to hear from you! Drop a comment below and let us know how you finally got out of it. Let’s support each other!

5. You don’t know your worth and neither does he

The reason why so many of us women allow men to treat us the way we do is simply that we don’t realize what we are truly worth. It’s not possible to show a man that you are worth fighting for and being with if you don’t know what makes you worth the fight! Every man deserves a woman who loves herself and is secure enough to be happy whether she is with him or single.

Know your worth.

Be empowered by the fact that you are not like any other woman on this Earth. You are unique, lovely, and deserving. The only way to get what you deserve is to never settle for less than what you are worth. And ladies, I promise the moment you begin to do that, the universe will begin to work in your favor!

We Want to Hear From You!
Share your story in the comments below – your experience might help another woman avoid these traps. Have you ever had to walk away to prove your worth? Let’s chat, lady!