Dating After Divorce… Nothing Like Riding a Bike

Dating After Divorce: Navigating the New Normal

Let’s be honest, ladies – dating after divorce is nothing like “riding a bike.” Well… maybe it is like riding a bike, but one that has a flat tire, your feet don’t quite reach the ground, and oh yeah – it’s missing the chain! If you are anything like me, the last time I was “really single” was back in 2002. We definitely weren’t texting our feelings, and Tinder meant something you used to start a campfire in the woods, not a tool to find a date for Friday night.

It feels like a whole new world out there, doesnt it?

The “Options” (And Why They Feel So Weird)

Let’s get real, friends! Sometimes the options seem a little bleak and everything just feels awkward. You can dive into the “ever-entertaining” world of online dating apps (which is a whole adventure on its own). You could seek to find the few single men or women at church – though they often happen to be 10 years younger than you, or still waiting to “hear from the Lord” before asking you for coffee.

Or maybe you decide to be brave and strike up a conversation with that cute guy you’ve been eyeing at the coffee shop… only to be given detailed descriptions of the obscenely sweet plans he has to propose to his GIRLFRIEND! Ouch.

And then, my lovely, there is the ever-popular blind date with a friend of a friend.

(Dear precious friends, I love you, but just because I’m single and he’s single does not mean we are meant for one another. By all means, please be sure that we at least live on the same planet prior to suggesting a date!)

I literally could write an entire blog series entitled, “The Dating Do’s, Don’ts, and Please, oh, please don’t!” I’ve found during my “dating adventures” that I typically know within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone exactly why they are single and looking.

We Want to Hear From You!
Have you ever had a blind date disaster that you can laugh about now? Share your story in the comments below, friend – your experience might help another woman feel less alone. Let’s support each other!

But Be Encouraged, Beautiful!

If you are dating after divorce, there is so much hope. Actually, there are some huge positives to dating and some genuinely good guys out there. While it feels so awkward at first, your stomach is in knots, and you feel inadequate and crazy insecure – I PROMISE that eventually, you are going to shine.

You are going to find that having a conversation with someone new is really quite lovely. You get the opportunity to learn about them, they learn about you, but the best part is that you learn about you. It is so easy over time to forget just who you are, what you like, and what you dislike. You may even find that you’re really quite interesting, funny, desirable, and engaging! That’s a huge confidence boost, lady!

Experience Over “The One”

Typically, people who have never been married before are frantically seeking “the one.” But after you’ve previously been married, you are often ready for an experience rather than just looking for who you will wed next. It gives you a willingness to try new and different things.

You aren’t so dead-set on this certain “type” of person anymore. This allows you to meet some people that you probably would not have ever even given the time of day before – and honestly? Some of them may be the most interesting people you’ll ever meet.

No More Games, Ladies

You’ve experienced relationships (even marriage) and are less likely to dabble in playing games. Being straightforward and honest becomes much easier when you know your worth. You are less caught up in being accepted, less likely to change who you are just so someone will like you, and you’re much more comfortable with saying, “You’re just not what I want.”

You are not in such a rush to get married. When I was younger and dating, I was more willing to compromise or settle because I had the “white picket fence syndrome.” However, I am now willing to wait for someone that is truly what I know that I need, and that I am what they need. I would rather be single for the rest of my years than be with the wrong one. I’m not sure that I could say that prior to my divorce.

Resilience and Butterflies

I now know that if a relationship ends – although that sucks, and hurts like hell – I will be totally okay. We are stronger than we think!

The absolute best part of it all is that I get to fall in love! I get to have butterflies again! I get the excitement of going on dates! I get the anticipation of what is coming next!

I know that dating after divorce is daunting and somewhat unappealing at first glance, but I also know that I have found so much fun, encouragement, self-love, friendship, and beauty through it all. And I know that you will too, sweet friend!