Six Ways to Maintain Intimacy in Your Relationship During the Hectic Holiday Season

Navigating Holiday Stress in Your Relationship

Ah, the holiday season is here once again. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and honestly? All you want to do is rip out your hair. The dreidel is spinning, and well… so are you, trying to get everything accomplished in time while also trying to find a spare minute for yourself and your partner.

It’s supposed to be a holly jolly time of year, you. But let’s be real – with the pressure to make it picture perfect, spend every penny you own on gifts, and attend what feels like hundreds of parties, it often ends up being more anxiety-inducing than merry.

And we all know that kind of stress doesn’t bode well for intimacy in your partnership. In fact, the chaos the holidays bring often increases conflict and mental health issues, causing a major disconnect between couples – which is literally the opposite of what we want during this season!

But listen, lovely, it doesn’t have to be this way. Do you want to ensure your partnership doesn’t suffer this holiday season (and maybe even gets stronger)?

We’d love to know – what is your biggest holiday stressor when it comes to your relationship? Drop a comment below and let’s chat about it!

Put the following six tips into action and you’ll be golden, like the twinkling star atop your tree:

Prioritize yourself first, you

I know, I know: you thought this was about connecting with your partner. But hear me out on this one. Taking care of yourself first is absolutely crucial for your partnership. When you manage your own stress and emotions, you’re going to be so much better equipped to handle whatever comes your way – whether it’s in your love life or any other area.

You will also be less likely to get into silly arguments. Your partner unexpectedly needs to work late on Christmas Eve? The catering company messed up the order? Ain’t no thang – you’re stress-free and going with the flow this year because your cup is full.

In order to manage your stress, feel peaceful, and ensure you show up as your most loving self, take some time to connect with yourself each day or – at the very least – once a week. Meditate first thing in the morning. Hit up your favorite yoga class. Hire a therapist or coach to work through your feelings, or just cozy up with a good book.

Writing out your thoughts in a journal works wonders too. This time to connect with yourself will make time with your you so much sweeter; self-care allows you to have more love and kindness to give to everyone else.

Schedule time together (intentionally!)

Much like anything else in life, if you don’t put your partner on your to-do list (I don’t mean just sexually, but hey, scheduling sex is never a bad idea!), they’re going to be pushed to the back burner. Our schedules fill up so fast this time of year, leaving us with little time to actually be alone with our partner and connect in an intimate way.

Whether it’s one night a week, a fun weekend getaway, or even just a few minutes before you go to bed, make sure you set aside some time to be alone together without distractions.

Check in with how they’re feeling. Ask them what they need from you to feel connected, loved, and appreciated right now. Share some happy holiday memories or create a new tradition just for the two of you. Whatever you decide: leave your electronics in the other room and focus entirely on each other.

What’s your favorite holiday tradition as a couple? Share your story with us – we love hearing how you celebrate love!

Communicate your needs and desires clearly

The best way to make sure your needs are met is to communicate them – people are not mind readers (though that would be so cool and convenient if they were, right?). Too often we have expectations for how we want things to go that live silently inside our heads. That is a recipe for anger, resentment, and conflict.

We must share our expectations with our partner if we want them to be fulfilled. For instance, if you’re bogged down with work and need more help than usual with grocery and gift shopping, kindly ask for support. If you would prefer a low-key, relaxing New Year’s Eve instead of a party, speak up! Don’t assume your partner will pick up on your vibes and then resent them when they dont.

Check in consistently and allow room for change

Sometimes things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with how we feel about certain situations that arise. It’s always in your best interest to consistently check in with one another to make sure you’re still on the same page with your plans.

Maybe that annual ski trip feels too costly this year, or maybe you’re just damn tired and would rather have a romantic weekend alone at home. Give yourself permission to make changes to your plans that will ultimately be better for your mental health and relationship.

Learn each other’s love language

Gift giving can be a major pathway to connection – if you do it the right way. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, everyone has a primary love language, or a way that they prefer to receive and show love. In his book, The 5 Love Languages, he explains that our primary love language is one of the following: acts of service, words of affirmation, touch, quality time, and receiving gifts.

Before you go breaking the bank on gifts for your partner, make sure you know how they really want to receive love from you – it may not require money at all! The best way to find out? Just ask them. A simple “How can I make sure you feel loved and appreciated this year?” will do wonders.

Giving your partner gifts that they truly want will make them feel understood, which is the best gift of all. There is little that creates more distance in a partnership than feeling misunderstood. Plus, you might learn something new about them!

Quick question, ladies: Do you know your partner’s love language? Tell us in the comments how you cater to it during the holidays!

Practice empathy

Before you take something personally and react in a way that creates conflict, take a breath. Think about what could actually be going on with your partner. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment.

Are they really upset about having to drive to your parents’ house in the snow, or could it be that it’s the first holiday after the passing of a loved one and it’s affecting them more than you realize? Is it really that they don’t love you enough to propose, or could it be that they don’t have enough money to get the ring you deserve and they don’t want to disappoint you?

Too often we perceive a situation to be about us, so we react defensively. When we’re empathetic, we create an opportunity to understand our partners better, feel less stress, and avoid unnecessary fights. If you’re unsure about what’s going on or you’re feeling hurt, communicate your feelings gently. You’ll stop driving yourself crazy guessing and you’ll probably feel closer to them, too.

Although the holiday season can be crazy, there are plenty of opportunities to create a deep connection. By making your mental health a priority and practicing empathy, you will ensure that the holidays don’t create distance, but rather deeply connect you.

We Want to Hear From You!

Share your story in the comments below – your experience might help another woman navigate this busy season. How do you keep the spark alive during the holidays? Let’s support each other!