Why Good Relationships Fall Apart

Believe it or not, you, even the best relationships can fall apart. After more than a decade of coaching in the wild world of dating, I’ve seen it happen more times than I can count. A beautiful relationship, with two people who are so deeply in love and totally committed, suddenly hits a wall. And then, it just… shatters. Even when neither person wants it to.

Here’s the honest truth, ladies: If anyone tells you that a great relationship doesn’t take work, they are flat-out lying to you. Every single relationship has conflict. Every couple faces challenges they need to overcome. It’s all about the work. If you try to ignore the little issues that pop up between you and your partner, they’ll just keep growing until they explode in your face- like a balloon you pumped way too full of air.

But there’s an even bigger, sneakier problem than just unresolved conflict… and it’s this: An uneven balance of power.

Sounds intense, right? But here’s how power works in a relationship… If you lose all your power, you can become completely obsessed with your partner, and in a cruel twist, your partner completely loses interest in you. It’s truly heartbreaking when this happens.

And on the flip side? If you gain all the power, *you* lose interest in your partner while they become obsessed with you.

While that might sound a little better than the alternative, it’s just as challenging because you’re left feeling empty and confused about why the spark is gone. If you want to keep your amazing relationship together for the long haul, you have to maintain a pretty equal balance of power between the two of you.

So, What Is ‘Power’ In a Relationship, Anyway?

Okay, let’s break it down, you. The amount of power you have in a relationship is really about two things: the amount of control you have over yourself and how much influence you have over your partner.

If you have no power over yourself… you end up blaming others for your problems, you rely on other people to make you happy, and you let others dictate how you act and feel. It’s a tough spot to be in, lovely.

If you have no power in your relationship… you let your partner do whatever he wants, you don’t respect yourself or your own boundaries, and your needs and desires get completely ignored. When this happens, he’ll quickly start to pull away and eventually, he might not feel anything for you or the relationship you built.

One of the biggest ways this happens to us amazing women is by becoming so invested in the relationship that we stop taking care of our own needs and forget to have our own life. While giving your entire self to a relationship might feel like the most romantic thing in the world, it can actually destroy your partner’s attraction to you.

Want to Keep the Attraction Alive and Stop Your Relationship From Falling Apart?

If you’re in a good relationship and want to keep that spark burning bright, here are the keys to protecting your connection and keeping that beautiful balance.

1. Keep Your Own Fabulous Life

You need to have your own passions, your own hobbies, your own thing going on completely outside of him. Have your own friends who have nothing to do with your partner! This isn’t about being distant; it’s about being a whole, interesting person. It makes you seem less needy and, bonus, it prevents you from obsessively thinking about him all the time. What’s a hobby you’ve been wanting to try? Let us know in the comments – you might inspire someone else!

2. Ditch the Games and Manipulation

Honestly, you, just don’t. Manipulation tactics and silly mind games are all designed to do one thing: gain power over your partner. That’s exactly why they never, ever work long-term. With games, you either gain so much power that you get bored and lose interest, or you eventually stop playing them and he forgets why he was attracted to you in the first place. Healthy relationships are built on honesty, not tricks.

3. Honor Yourself with Standards and Boundaries

This one is the most important, my dear. You have to make yourself a priority in your own life. Don’t ever allow second-class behavior from a partner, and make damn sure your needs are being met. When you value yourself, your partner will value you more. And the more he values you, the more attracted he’ll be to you. It’s as simple as that.

4. Practice Radical Self-Love and Build Your Confidence

We attract a partner who typically has about the same level of self-esteem as we do. It’s just how the universe works. When you give love to yourself, you’ll have so much more love to give to your partner, and you’re way less likely to come off as needy. Learn how to get rid of those negative beliefs about yourself so you can build unshakable self-esteem. This is how you naturally start respecting yourself more and feeling like the valuable, incredible woman you are.

At the end of the day, the only real way to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship where you both stay madly in love is to maintain that balance of power. Sometimes the power might shift a little in favor of one person or the other. And that’s perfectly normal and okay!

Just make sure you don’t give away all your power. The minute you start handing over all your personal power to your partner is the moment he starts to lose that spark for you.

Keep the power even in your relationship, and there’s a much, much better chance of the two of you staying together, happy and in love.

We Want to Hear From You!

Have you ever felt the power balance shift in your relationship? What did you do to bring it back to center? Share your story in the comments below – your experience might be the one thing that helps another woman going through the same thing. Let’s support each other!