Why Being Selfish Is Something You Should Be Doing Daily

As a woman, being labeled as “selfish” feels like one of the heaviest burdens we can carry, doesn’t it?

For centuries, we’ve been told that to be a “good woman,” we need to be ladylike at all times. In the past, this basically meant submission- shutting up, sitting down, and doing exactly what we were told. Think about our grandmothers, those lovely souls who came before us. They lived in a world where taking care of a husband, the kids, and the home was the main gig.

Anything extra left over for her? That was seen as a rare bonus, a luxury, never a necessity. Her wellbeing was placed last. And if she dared to try and do something just for herself, she was often told she was being selfish. Today, because of this deep social conditioning, we avoid this label like the plague. We want to be seen as accommodating, nurturing, and loving- anything but the dreaded “s” word.

But tell me, friend- has playing small ever really made you feel whole?

The problem is, we don’t have time for these games anymore.

We don’t have to look far to see that life is changing, and it is changing fast. As the divine feminine reawakens from her slumber, women around the world are beginning to feel a slow rumble in the depths of their being. It’s a sort of restlessness triggered by the knowledge that something is terribly off. This is our remembering, lovely. It’s the knowing that the chaos on our planet is not how things are supposed to be.

We all feel it, and we have for decades. The women’s rights movement laid the foundation for the work we are here to do now in the early 21st century. As the very fabric of our society begins to crumble (you see it on the news every day), people are desperately seeking answers. We are looking for how we can transition out of the mess we’ve made and into something more harmonious and sustainable for all beings.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said, “The world will be saved by the western woman.”

Now, by this, he didn’t mean that western women are superior to anyone else. He meant that because of the hard work of our sisters who came before us, we now have the space and freedom to explore life in a way that has never existed before in the whole of human history. There are differing perspectives on what we should do with this freedom, but I’m going to propose one that might seem a bit radical to you:

Be selfish.

Understanding the difference: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Selfishness

There is a massive difference between healthy and unhealthy selfishness, and it’s time we get clear on it. Unhealthy selfishness comes from an egotistical, self-centered perspective that says, “I do what I want just because I want to.” It is self-indulgent and emits from a place of low self-worth and a need to prove something.

Healthy selfishness, on the other hand, comes from a more holistic place. It is a place fueled by a genuine desire to be the best version of one’s self.

A healthy form of selfishness is rooted in the knowledge that in order to be of highest service to life, we must take the time to nurture ourselves before giving to others.

Think about the airline safety instructions- you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help the person next to you. It’s not vanity, it’s survival.

Maybe you’ve been dipping your toe in this idea for a while, or maybe it’s an entirely new concept to you. Wherever you are on the road to embodying radical self-love as your top priority, if you’ve ever needed a permission slip to be selfish, here it is. Darling, it’s safe now for you to tend to your own needs first. Go ahead, dive in head first.

Your Guide to Radical Self-Love

Set aside time in your busy schedule to rest, relax, and rejuvinate. Follow your passions. Do what makes you happy, just because. Express yourself fully.

• Say yes when you mean yes.
• Say no when you mean no.
• Unleash your inner wild woman.
• Create simply for the sake of creation.

Sing out loud in the car. Dance in your underwear in front of the mirror (it’s liberating, promise!). Spend time in nature. Travel to a foreign country. Love big. Love even bigger. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Cry when you need to. Be silent.

Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that make you human. Forgive, both yourself and others. Let go of what’s no longer serving your overall wellbeing. Practice the extreme self-love that’s been missing from your life. Give yourself permission to explore your life unapologetically in a way that woud make our ancestors proud.

Listening to the Pull of Your Soul

Rumi said, “Let yourself to be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”

Your soul always knows what’s in your highest interest, and it knows exactly how you can contribute to healing the collective wounds of our species. You are an integral part of life, friend, and it’s your divine responsibility to give yourself the space to figure out how your unique piece of the puzzle fits into the whole.

You’re never going to discover your bigger purpose by continuing to play by the small standards that our society has given us as women.

By fiercely and passionately permitting ourselves to do this inner work, we give others the opportunity to do the same. The world is ready to transform, and it’s time for ladies across the globe to stand strong in alignment with unconditional love– and it all begins with unconditionally loving ourselves first.