How to Choose Freedom When You Don’t Feel Free

“Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free.” – Paulo Coelho

Hey gorgeous. Does life ever feel just… wide open to you? Sometimes we have all this space and time, choices laid out like a banquet, and we feel so alive and inspired. It’s like freedom fills every nook and cranny of our lives, and our souls are soaring high in the sky, right alongside the clouds and birds. It’s magic, isn’t it?

But then, let’s be real for a second. Sometimes life feels so stuck. Bound. Like we are shackled down by heavy chains with nothing but the darkness of a tunnel hitting a dead-end ahead of us. We’ve all been there, babe.

Freedom can appear to be such a fickle and faithless attendant. One moment it’s here, wrapping you in a warm hug. The next moment it’s gone. Much like happiness and love, it feels fleeting and capricious in nature. But I have a question for you lovely-what happens when you decide to fully dedicate your life to freedom? What happens then?

And what happens when all you want is freedom, yet it seems hidden, no matter how hard you search?

When I was 23, I was absolutely drunk with the idea of living a life filled and fuelled by freedom. The idea alone infatuated me. It was at this tender age that I made a vow to myself to dedicate my life to creating, knowing, understanding, cultivating and teaching freedom.

With this resolution, I discovered one unexpected and startling thing: everything I believed to be true up to this point, was not.

The Journey of Unlearning

I embarked on a massive journey of unlearning everything I had been taught. I had to rediscover the world, life, and myself with fresh eyes. It was scary, but oh so necessary. Instead of frantically chasing goals and achievements like society tells us to, I learned to tune into feeling and being present.

I stopped caring about what other people expected of me-which is hard, right ladies?-and started paying attention to what felt right for me.

Instead of doing all the “right” things I was supposed to do to get a good job, I chose to follow my curiosity, my heart, and my instinct. I decided not to become a psychologist after all. I ended my studies after completing my undergraduate degree and embarked on an unconventional path of working in the creative world of music festivals.

I’d love to know-have you ever made a scary career pivot just to save your soul? Let me know in the comments below, I read every single one!

Instead of fighting to be “right,” I surrendered into being equanimous. I learned that there is no right or wrong, black or white. Everyone holds a piece of the puzzle from their unique perspective. The human experience is limited from being all-knowing. When I recognized and accepted this, I felt instantly free.

Making Peace with the Mirror

This was a big one, babe. Instead of cramming my mind with insecurities and trying to look like other people through rigorous exercise routines, self-loathing and cycles of starving and binge-eating, I softened my view of myself.

I started walking every day and spending time in nature. I ate what I felt like when I felt hungry and celebrated food instead of fearing it. And you know what? Instantly, I lost weight and relaxed into a healthy, natural weight and body shape. It was effortless once the stress was gone.

Instead of buying all the shiniest, newest, most-coveted objects, I developed a deep connection with the universe which left me feeling richer than anything I had ever owned. I sold everything I didn’t need and lived out of a suitcase. It was liberating.

Instead of chasing after boys and seeking out the perfect relationship, I grew into an intimate committed relationship with myself. I became unashamedly selfish, the way that Buddha teaches us to be. I learned that it is not my job to satisfy and please others. Each of these choices was part of the untethering that set me free. As it turns out, much like happiness and love, freedom is a choice.

Living Moment to Moment

“Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” – Rumi

Choosing freedom is literally a moment to moment decision that you get to make.

It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you are doing. Freedom is, after all, a feeling. I always ask myself, even when I don’t feel free: “What would make me feel freer than this, right now?”

I listen. And I do that. I nudge myself back to freedom. Little by little, choice by choice. Until freedom is breathing fresh air into my lungs, expanding my heart, breaking me open again and flooding me with love and sweet, sweet relief. Choosing freedom feels like coming home.

Yet, it must be said, there is another discovery that comes with the invitation of freedom. The discovery that, from this moment on, life will be lived very differently. There is a cost for freedom. At times this cost may seem almost unbearable. Yearning for freedom is easy. It fills an unquenchable thirst for adventure, discovery, self-expression, choice, abundance, joy, love, creativity, generosity and expansion. But choosing freedom? That takes commitment, courage, strength and unwavering trust.

Here is how to choose freedom when you don’t feel free

So, how do we actually do this? How do we break the chains when we feel heavy? Here is what I’ve learned on my journey.

1. Choose to feel free in ordinary moments

It means seeing beauty, magic, and miracles in the mundane. It’s choosing to experience freedom, right here, right now even though it feels hard, and you’d truly rather run away.

Choosing freedom is an art form, lovely. It means opening up and saying “yes” and “thank you” to life and lessons even when we feel most broken, most vulnerable, and most like turning our backs and closing our hearts.

2. Believe that it is worth persevering for

To choose freedom, you have to believe in it. Freedom, contrary to popular belief, is not all open starry skies and limitless options. Sometimes it’s trudging for miles, feeling outcast, alone and separate from the world. It’s seeing the truth all around you, and being unable to close your eyes and make it go away and then, still choosing freedom.

3. Have the courage to be you

To choose freedom, you must have the courage to say what you feel and be who you are, despite what others might think. It means that you sometimes have to allow yourself to hurt and use that hurt to grow deeper into freedom. To choose freedom means you are willing to face yourself, be present with yourself, and understand that this is an individual journey that you can only do alone. Through this journey, you grow and change and learn what freedom really means.

4. Listen to your inner voice

Choosing freedom means listening to your intuition and knowing the difference between when she tells you to go and when she tells you to stay.

It means not running because you are afraid and not staying because you are frozen by your fears. It’s through these phases of moving and staying still, change and transition, beginnings, and endings, connection, and disconnection, that feeling free becomes your devoted companion.

5. Face your fears head-on

To choose freedom is to face your fears. Allowing yourself to feel your fears, to acknowledge them and embrace them, even when it’s the last thing you want to do. This means that they dissolve in the face of your innate freedom. Fears are, after all, simply false beliefs that are holding you back from feeling free.

6. The art of letting go

Choosing freedom means to let go. Letting go of what you believe. Letting go of expectations of others. Letting go of how you think your life should be. Letting go of fitting in a certain box. Letting go of stubbornness. Letting go of who you want to love you. Letting of having things a certain way. It means letting go, and trusting, and having freedom lead.

We Want to Hear From You!

This journey isn’t meant to be walked in silence, babe. I want to know-what is one thing you are holding onto right now that is keeping you from feeling free? Share your story in the comments below. Your experience might be the exact thing another woman needs to read today. Let’s support each other and rise together!